I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
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I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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