Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
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Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
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I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize