I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
