walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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