Whats the glycemic index on semen?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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