i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
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Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
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Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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