Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
