The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
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Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
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Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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