never play flip cup with pint glasses
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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