It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
