Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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