he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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