so that wasnt chicken after all
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
