oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I need to calm my uterus...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
