i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
