My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I don't deserve a penis
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
