Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
