god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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