hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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