I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
