One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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