you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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