theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
