This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
