i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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