I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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