I hate your face
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize