I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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