either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
