i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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