remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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