Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
