Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
