What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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