I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
