Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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