Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
