Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
