Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
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