I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
