She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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