I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
