I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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