the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
That accounts for only three of the penises
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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