you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
