I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
