Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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