oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
