How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
As shirtless as possible
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
