Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
