I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
