i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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