toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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