i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
