im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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