Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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