i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
