Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
