So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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