Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize