so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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