ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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