She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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