don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
