I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
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