I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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