I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
