i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
