Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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