I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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