I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
