Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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