Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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