one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
