Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
